Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
