Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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