TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
