she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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