Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
