sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
