oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
