Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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