my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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