Pappa wants mamma naked
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
