I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
