Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
