her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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