come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
