She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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