I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
