Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
