I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
