i can't believe i had my finger in that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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