I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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