i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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