my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
