You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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