I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
