For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
