What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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