I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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