I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
