So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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