Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My cat gives me a boner
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
