Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My bed smells like the plague
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
