Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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