On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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