i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
