laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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