Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
