there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize