Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
