I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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