your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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