glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
