So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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