I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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