3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
