If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
