i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
