what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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