someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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