Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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