Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
