i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
