If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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