Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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