imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
