I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
