I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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