I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
