Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
