hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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