My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Alive.
So much puke
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
