bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
porn star boner night. come get it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
