So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
